


Too Much

by TheLastDemiWarriorNinjaofFireSide



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Arguing, Based on a Tumblr Post, Cussing, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Me????, Panic Attacks, Sensory Overload, This whole thing is a trigger warning, Wow, all it is is a panic attack, be careful, flowery language, fluff????, trigger warning, vent fic, who am I kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-13 20:13:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20588414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLastDemiWarriorNinjaofFireSide/pseuds/TheLastDemiWarriorNinjaofFireSide
Summary: It was too loud. Everyone was being too loud and they needed to  s t o p.(Trigger warning; read the tags)





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a panic attack, if you could tell. There is a lot of flowery language and metaphors. It’s not literal, and panic attacks may not feel like this to you. They’re different for everyone, I think.
> 
> I made this as a vent and writing exercise. Hope you enjoy!

Everyone was being too loud. Remus was taunting Roman, who had in turn taken the bait and was trying to destroy him with words. Deceit was was antagonizing Logan, who was trying to shut him down. Patton was trying to be in both arguments at once, correcting Remus when he cussed, and defending Thomas when Deceit tried to portray him in a way that he disagreed with. Thomas was trying to calm them all down, but his yelling to the pandemonium only made it grow.

They all blurred as Virgil heartbeat quickened. Red was loud, green was loud, the blues were loud, and yellow was loud, and that blob of grey was loud. They were all too loud and they needed to _ stop_. He needed to get away from the noise, the light, the confusion, but his rigid state made it impossible to get away. Their very breathing grated against him. He could feel panic bubbling inside him like a boiling pot of water. He actually could feel it in his chest, hot against his ribcage. It burned him until his eyes watered, squeezed him until he couldn’t breathe, made him think of nothing but the bubbling concoction. Another emotion bloomed in his chest as the noise around him reached a crescendo. Anger, like a poisonous flower, watered from the panic, warmed by the sun of the heat of the colors that surrounded him. The noise was crushing him, taking away even more breath from his lungs. It swirled around him, clinking the bells that made his ears ring, adding to the heat in his chest, threatening to spill the waters inside. 

Virgil whimpered. It was all too much. He furiously pressed the buttons on his fidget cube, so hard that the switch on the other side dug into his hand. He had the almost uncontrollable urge to throw the thing. The noise rose again, hitting his temple with a war hammer. The lights seemed to brighten, stabbing. He could feel his pulse in his fingertips, and another flower of anger blossomed in his chest. He wanted them to shut up. He wanted them _ gone._ He wanted to scream out how irritating they were being, how badly they were hurting him, how insensitive he thought they were being. But the flowers of anger, born of panic and pain, were filling his throat, choking him. More springs of fear opened up, and he let out a strangled scream.

Loud. Piercing. Disruptive.

The chaos stilled, and the silence followed, calling attention to how loudly Virgil’s ears were ringing. He was still angry, and he had their attention. The scream had dislodged the flowers of anger and now they were all pouring out in a torrent of words, thick and fast.

“Won’t you guys ever **_shut UP_**?” He shouted, his voice distorting, “I’m so **_fuck_****ing** **tired** of you being _so _**_damn_** **_loud_**** all the time. Just fucking ****_go away_**** all ready!”**

Patton gasped, “Virgil!” He scolded.

Deceit looked stunned.

Logan looked stunned. 

Thomas looked stunned.

Roman looked angry.

Remus looked angry.

_ Patton _ looked angry.

The flow of the river of petals was changing. He wanted to take the words back. Now they were all staring at him and they were angry at him and he needed to _ leave._

There was more noise. There was too much noise and it was still angry and it was all directed at _ him. _

The noise overpowered him, forcing him into the wall, where he stayed, shoulders hunched in, staring wide eyed at the yelling sides. 

The noise shook him, made him tremble, from his hands to his feet. It shook him so much that the boiling cauldron of fear and panic tipped.

Virgil froze in place, still wide eyed, staring, terrified, at the monster that rose from it. It was a collection of unfocused, terrible, moving shapes. It towered over him like a mountain. It was was as dark as an oncoming storm and it was too bright, like he had come face to face with a star, large, bright, and burning. It reared up, slicing at his face with claws of pure, blinding, terrible light. It slammed his head with its paw, its own kind of mjöllnir, splitting his head open. It was as broad as a bear, as slimy as a fish, as constrictive as a snake. It squeezed his chest, opening up springs of liquid fear that welled up in his eyes and formed waterfalls down his face. A wardrum in his chest thrummed an unsteady, wild beat as his limbs refused to move.

The monster stilled. Tall, threatening, and terrifying.

Then suddenly, it attacked.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t going to write a second part, but multiple people asked me about it, so I made one! I really hope you guys enjoy it!

The beast dove towards Virgil, swirling and swarming around him. It dove into his mouth blocking his airway, churning in his stomach. His ears rang. He felt as if someone were strangling him. Virgil inhaled, but felt no relief from the burning in his lungs. Becoming even more frantic, he sucked in another deep breath, still, he felt like he was drowning in the blackness of his monster. 

A part of him, in the back of Virgil’s mind, knew what was happening. He knew that he was having a panic attack, that he needed to breathe more slowly and calm down, but logic didn’t have any hold in this realm that he had been transported to.

His fingers dung into his arms, his painted nails sharp against his skin. He was so scared, and his chest hurt so much.

He was breathing too fast. He was dimly aware of this fact. He told himself he needed to slow down, but the other half of him was on autopilot. 

But then there was warmth on Virgil’s hands, pulling them off his arms. He clung to the other person, using them as his lifeline.

Virgil was dizzy. His lips and fingers were tingling. He breathing slowed. Not because he was calming down, but from sheer exhaustion. 

Slowly, Virgil became more coherent, and he became aware of the fact that someone was rubbing circles on his back. Patton? And there was another presence to his left. That was definitely Logan.

Virgil looked up to see who had grabbed his hands. Deceit met his eyes, and Virgil instinctively recoiled. He felt Patton and Logan tense beside him. Deceit’s expression instantly fell, and he pulled away, looking guilty.

“I— I just wanted to see you hurting yourself some more.” Deceit muttered, and Virgil immediately felt guilty as he automatically translated, _ ‘I couldn’t bear to see you hurt yourself anymore.’ _ Virgil looked down to see the indents his nails had made in this skin.

Deceit backed up some more to give Virgil some space, but Virgil reached his hand out to him, saying nothing, but trying to apologize with his eyes. A flash of gratitude sparked in Deceit’s eyes, and he took Virgil’s still shaking hands, sitting down cross legged in front of him. His gloved finger ran over Virgil’s knuckles, trying to still the tremors.

Virgil exhaled a shaky breath. He was much calmer, but his breathing was still irregular. _ In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight. _

It was silent for a few moments, until he saw red and green clad figures rise up.

“We found it!” Roman announced, making sure to keep his voice low, “And we grabbed his hoodie, too.”

The twins were holding a blanket between them, on half red and the other green. Virgil dimly remembered them making it because they each wanted their blanket to be their respective colors, but they shared a bed so they had to make do. The twins draped the blanket over his shoulders, and Roman handed Virgil his hoodie. Virgil looked up questioningly, “I dropped it?”

“Well, um.” Roman rubbed the back of his neck, “You kinda just _ poofed _ outta Thomas’s living room and I guess you were in such a hurry that you left it behind.”

Virgil looked around and saw that he was, indeed, no longer in Thomas’s living room but in his own.

“We got you our special blanket!” Remix declared, “Now you can wrap yourself in it and pretend you’re still in your mother’s uterus!”

Roman whacked his brother on the shoulder, “Can’t you just pretend like it’s a burrito like a normal person?” 

Virgil snorted a little and one side of his mouth quirked up as the twins bickered quietly in stage whispers.

Patton stopped rubbing Virgil’s back, and put his hand on his shoulder, “You okay?” He asked, his brow furrowed.

“Yeah, I’m fine”. Virgil replied, “But like, you know how after a panic attack you’re like...shaky, still? And you feel all weak and limp? That’s how I feel right now.”

Logan spoke up, “If you don’t mind me asking, is it possible that something we said triggered your anxiety attack? Or was it just a random occurrence?”

“Oh.” Virgil felt a slight sink in the bottom of his stomach. It was never pleasant to talk about his attacks, much less tell someone the trigger, “I had a sensory overload, but I don’t know if it was a symptom or the cause.”

Logan nodded, and Virgil continued, “I’m um ...sorry…about what I said.” His eyes flicked down, looking at the ground.

Patton looked up from where he had snuggled into Virgil’s side, his voice sharp, “Virgil! Stop that! _ We _are the ones that should be apologizing! We were arguing and we didn’t think about how it would affect you! We shouldn’t have argued, anyways.”

There were noises of agreement from around the room, and Roman piped up, “Yeah, we shouldn’t have, even if this dipwad did deserve most of the things I said to him.” Roman patted his brother’s shoulder. Remus, in return, laughed and clapped his twin on his back so hard a hollow noise echoed out Roman’s mouth. He chuckled weakly and sent a pained smile over to Virgil. 

A laugh bubbled out from Virgil’s lips, and the thought occurred to him that the twins were messing around on purpose, to bring his spirits up. How unexpectedly sweet.

They all were cheering him up, in their own way. Patton was still snuggled up to him on his right. In fact, he has latched on so tight that Virgil was sure he would leave an imprint when he left. Deceit hadn’t let go of his left hand, although he had dropped the right in favor of tracing Virgil’s veins and the lines in his hand with his finger. Logan was sitting on Virgil’s left, letting Virgil lean on him and tapping out a four-seven-eight rhythm in his leg, reminding Virgil to breathe.

Their very presence was calming. Also, they were very warm. Virgil’s eyelids were getting heavier. Logan noticed, and shifted so Virgil’s neck wouldn’t get sore, “Go ahead and rest,” he told Virgil.

Deceit leaned up against the wall, still not letting go of Virgil’s hand, taking off his hat and setting it beside him. Remus and Roman stood where they were, not wanting to leave but not sure if they should lay down too. Virgil raised an eyebrow at them, and nodded to the free space beside him and Patton.

Roman shrugged and sat down next to Patton, and Remus sat down next to him, putting his head on his brother’s shoulder. The twins whispered quietly for a couple seconds and then together, whispered, “One, two, three!”

A big blanket appeared over all of them. Not too light, not too heavy. Finally the twins quieted down, and it was quiet. 

Virgil whispered a small, “Thank you.” into the silence. 

Deceit squeezed his hand, Patton made a little noise of affirmation, snuggling in closer. Roman and Remus both grunted in acknowledgement, and Logan showed a rare display of affection and kissed the top of Virgil’s head and whispered to him, “You’re quite welcome, Virgil.”

Virgil smiled as he fell asleep. He felt comfortable, he felt warm, most importantly of all, he felt safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this fluff?? I never wrote fluff before. This might be too cheesy... idk.
> 
> Let me know if I made any mistakes or typos, and of course let me know what you thought!
> 
> Oh, and also the reason Virge sunk out and left his hoodie without knowing it is because (1) his room is a place of heightened anxiety, and he was having a panic attack, so it makes sense, and (2) his hoodie is an now an object of comfort so when he has a panic attack it just /phwoops/ right off of him


End file.
